I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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