Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
