Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
