I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
