If i come over, it means nothing
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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