i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
