i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
