There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
