you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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