Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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