I'm so fucking centered right now
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
