This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
