i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon