My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.