I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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