i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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