He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
