Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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