oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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