Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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