Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
