I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
