it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
