hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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