Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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