No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
