i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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