and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
