those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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