I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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