DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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