considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
