I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
