you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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