I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
