i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
