I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
