im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
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I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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