maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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