proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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