toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just high enough for therapy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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