There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my penis made a compromise with my morals
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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