Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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