dude i'm inner monologue high
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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