I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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