i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize