before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
