I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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