I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
