I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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