Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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