i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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