I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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