one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
