she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
