I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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