There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
