My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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