i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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