marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It was confusing and full of hummus
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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