Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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