ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
