i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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