I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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