its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
