just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
