Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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