Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
