normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
