Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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