oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
