The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
