Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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