Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
