i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
