I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Randomize
