I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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